Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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