Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
