Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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