I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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