seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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