We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
