Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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