I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
