We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
