the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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