I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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