I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
