I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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