I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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