Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
