You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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