He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
