Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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