Jerry, you need to find god
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
