When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
