Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I deserve this hangover.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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