just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
