See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
