we're chasing vodka with high fives
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
