"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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