Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
