I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize