dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
nutella sex= disaster
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
