just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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