I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
