I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize