He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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