She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
