Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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