Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
