Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
