Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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