We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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