At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize