Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
