So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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