it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
