He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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