All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
