She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
God I need to hump something, right now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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