omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
