ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
