I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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