I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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