Your face is a jimmy john
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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