i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
