Kareoke will never be a sober sport
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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