That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize