This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
