Will you blow on my dice?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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