i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
