So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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