I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize