There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
