3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
