yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
