God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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