just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's just like the Real World with babies
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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