And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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