i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
