And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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