Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
