My balls are so social today.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
