if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Non-Jews are for practice
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize