i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
