my mouth tastes like poor choices
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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