I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
