He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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