Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
