My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
