you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
