I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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