I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
