just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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