i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
