Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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