you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In other news, I just burned my penis
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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