Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
