I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
