i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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