he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
